I'm OK...

I've officially withdrawn my application for my dream job. Stupid economy...@*&#$@#$!!!!

Now I just need to find that window God's supposed to open.

Struggles

I drive myself crazy.

It's not like every little time something doesn't go my way that I go off the deep end. But sometimes, some things....it's like I'm cruising along in my life, hopeful to make that right turn up ahead and then BAM! A boulder comes flying and sends me careening. I'm stumbling, trying to regain control and I'm not sure how. When these moments happen I do stupid things. I cry (a lot), I don't eat, I get headaches and that constant tension in my shoulders gets significantly more noticeable.

I glaze over too. If I don't have work or something to really throw myself into I just really have a hard time focusing and regrouping my thoughts.

And it's not like this is a "spoiled brat" thing (well, my brother may think I'm spoiled but that's ok because big brothers are supposed to think of their little sisters as spoiled brats). I was just more emotionally set on something happening for me and now the giant toilet in the sky is flushing that one down the drain and I'm having a hard time coping. My friend Cathie even reminded me about when God closes a door, He always opens a window. I'm trying to hold on to that, to focus on that but it's really hard, you know?

I'm just so tired of where I'm at now. I desperately wanted to do something different, sometime fun, something that would allow me to also spend more time with Gavin. But now just isn't the time and I'm horribly disappointed.

Sunday Supper

Want a fancy schmancy yet EASY way to pull off "Sunday Supper?" Here's the run down for what I have planned, and it couldn't be anymore "hands off:"

Garlic-Citrus "Roast" Chicken
Roasted Green Beans with Shallots
Fresh rolls

Yeah, don't get all "you are such a Martha" on me. I swear this is going to be super easy. See that I put "roast" in quotes? Yeah, hello CROCKPOT! Got this from Rob's Nana (now, Granny B for Gavin) and have done this several times, just change up what I do the bird.

Take a stick of softened butter and add the zest of 1 lemon, 1 orange and some garlic powder (I'm thinking a 1/4 tsp but I'll let you know for sure later if that was enough). Mash it all together and set aside to let the flavors blend (do this the day before if you like too). Take the bird and remove all the random stuff from the cavity that stores like to put in there thinking you may want to eat it. Ew, no but that's just me. Season the cavity with salt and pepper. Quarter the lemon and orange you zested and squeeze some of the juice inside and then stuff in the pieces. Cut a head of garlic in half (peels and all) and stuff inside. Now, on the outside of this chicken, loosen up the skin from the meat and stuff your compound butter inside. As it cooks and the flavored butter melts this does DELICIOUS things to the meat and presumably the skin too but I don't eat that. Season the outside with salt and pepper.

Prep your crockpot by balling up about 5 or so pieces of tin foil and set them in the bottom. They don't need to be tightly balled up, think like how you would ball up some paper. You're creating a platform for the bird to sit on and let the drippings fall down through. Set the chicken on the foil and turn on to Low for maybe 4-5 hours (or less if your pot is as crazy as mine).

Ok now the green beans. Fresh beans were on sale and I have shallots left over from something else I did (can't remember what). Rinse beans and trim off ends. Slice shallots. Scatter everything on a cookie sheet and coat in olive oil, salt and pepper. Toss around a bit. Throw into 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes. Voila. Fancyness.

Fresh rolls... from your freezer! Follow the directions on the package. ;)

I bet my actual hands on kitchen time totals 30 minutes for this.

18 Month Update

So after much drama, tantrums and profuse apologies from the doctor, Gavin was in for his 18 month check yesterday. I had made his appointment a month ago to be next Wednesday however Tuesday night (technically after the clinic had closed) they called to say they needed to reschedule his appointment. Seeing as how I was trying to relax in my bedroom to speed up cold recovery (wasn't working) and barely missed the call, I unfortunately could not immediately unleash my wrath. This was the third checkup in a row I was being forced to reschedule. I rescheduled his 12 month check, unfortunately before his b-day because no one told me they couldn't give him the vaccines until he was literally a year old (Rob had to take him back later for the shots. Had we been able to keep the original appoint this would not have happened). They rescheduled his 15 month check too.

So by now I was completely frustrated, not just because I had to find a new date and time to take him but my circumstances had changed too. Before, we were able to take him in on Fridays (which he's home on Fridays) and everything was hunky dory. At some point though the scheduling people told me she doesn't do well-baby checks on Fridays anymore. Okaaaay, so maybe I can get him in super early on another weekday? Nope! Can't schedule an appointment before 9 (I think Gavin's 4-week check I had him in at 7:30 a.m. so I don't know what changed). Basically this means, with my part-time status and limited availability to make up missed hours, I have to take vacation or sick time to take my son in for a check-up. Yeah, not a happy camper.

On Wednesday I left 2 quite sassy voicemails with the doctor's assistant, demanding an explanation and also making it clear that I'd find a new doctor if need be because I just cannot do this anymore. Love her, she's fabulous but come on. This is ridiculous. The doctor called me back Wednesday night (I missed the call of course) but she called again first thing Thursday morning and we had quite the chat. Seems that her schedule really doesn't change all that often and I am somehow the "lucky" person who by complete random chance picked the last 3 dates she needed to readjust. She was quite horrified and very apologetic. I explained my own schedule issues about Fridays and early mornings and come to find out, the doctor didn't realize the scheduling people told me she didn't do Friday checkups (she happened to have 2 scheduled the next day). Oh really?? Even though I had rescheduled for next Friday (1/30) with her physician's assistant, the doctor insisted that I come in the following morning (yesterday) if our schedule allowed.

Gavin's a healthy 29 lbs, 34" and doing beautifully. Motor skills rock and speech is progessing nicely (see previous post giving an example of a "conversation" with my toddler). I left quite happy (well, had to let the vampires have at me but I was planning on that anyway; what else can one do with their own health issues?). I am also well-informed enough that the next time a scheduler tells me "no Fridays" I'll have them take it up with the doctor because they are putting Gavin down for Friday. I refuse to be pushed around anymore when it comes to the health and well-being of my son.

A study of Mom's kitchen

This last week I guess you could say I've been doing a culinary study of Mom's kitchen, both of them. The chicken quesadilla recipe I've already given you (my mom) and this next one comes to you courtesy of Rob's mom: Parmesan-Crusted Chicken in Cream Sauce.

Ok so I know this sounds fancy-dancy and probably difficult but au contraire! I put the entire dinner together in under 30 minutes. Everything actually cooked in about 15. Wahoo!! I used whipped cream cheese, which made it lighter. And instead of Minute Rice I prefer Uncle Ben's microwavable brown rice. And of course I did green beans instead of asparagus. ;) Another budget, and waistline, saver is cut your chicken breasts in half so you get 4 thinner cut breasts from 2 regular ones.

Soooooo good that I'm planning to make this again in a week or so (plus I have extra cream cheese in the fridge now).


In other news, Gavin's answer to every question is "no." Here is a typical dialogue between my son and I:

J: "Are you Mama's boy?"
G: "No."
J: "Oh, are you Mama's girl then?"
G: "No."
J: "Okaaay. Then you're Mama's boy, right?"
G: "No."
J: "You're not Mama's boy?"
G: "No."
J: "Are you sure?"
G: "No."

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

My coffee addiction explained

I am humbled

In my line of work, much as I love people they can also drive me batty. A constant source of amusement is how some people are supposedly in their 30s, 40s or 50s yet display behavior I expect to see in a kindergarten classroom. But I digress...

My coworker has to be one of the strongest women I know. A few years ago, recently engaged and planning her wedding, her fiance (who's in the Army) is called to go overseas. They decided to go ahead and get married and so before he left, they were official. No, this story is not headed there....he was fine and has been back for a while. In fact, they even renewed their vows in October and had the wedding they meant to have the first time around.

What gives me pause tonight is he is going back. Tomorrow I think. And she just walked out of here with a smile on her face. I've been whining about how I'm tired from my Wii Fit workouts, my child is going through his Terrible Two's and thinks diapers are optional attire and her husband is headed back. Now, don't get me wrong it's not like she's walking around singing or anything but she's functioning and she's functioning with a smile on her face. Her husband is headed out to serve our country again, to make sure we keep the freedoms we all enjoy (like free speech to write what we think on blogs like this) and she's not bitter. She's not angry. She might be sad and frustrated sometimes (it bleeds through sometimes at work) but she's just incredible.

Do me a favor this weekend, go find a veteran and hug them. And if you can't hug them in person, hug them with your words. My turn: Dad, you rock. I love you. I love what you've done for us and this country. Thank you. Thank you SO much.

Baffled

I don't get it.

Broccoli with cheese sauce, no go. Try hiding a little broccoli/cheese in a smashed up baked potato, still nope. However a chicken quesadilla with lots of mushrooms and spinach he INHALES.

I do not understand my son.

On a roll!

More recipes!! I've had some good luck the last couple days so I'm sharing. :) First, never thought I'd be a biscuit-making wife but Rob's family is from the South so he has an appetite for certain things that I didn't grow up with. Saw Buttermilk Cheddar Biscuits on Food Network and realized I had all the ingredients to make them so I did. First, get over the butter. It's biscuits and these are just GOOD. Rob LOOOOOVED them! You have to use a good cheddar (nice and sharp) though or they just won't have that flavor. We had them with a crispy chicken salad and it just rounded things out perfectly. Use any leftovers for a yummy breakfast sandwich. ;)

Next actual recipe is one I've had at my parents house but haven't made yet for Rob, but I'm doing that tonight: Chicken-Mushroom Quesadillas. Couple of quick notes though... 1) This makes a lot of filling. If your family is small or you're making other food to eat with this, freeze half of the filling for later. 2) If someone at your dinner table doesn't go for that mushroom texture, blitz them through the food processor or blender. This will reduce the volume overall so make up for that by adding a little extra chicken or spinach.

Last one is a basic sauce of my own "creation" but it turned out REALLY good so I'm passing it on. Melt about a tablespoon of butter in a small saucepan and whisk in about 1 1/2 tablespoons of flour. LET THIS COOK A COUPLE MINUTES, maybe on medium low if you're afraid of burning it like I usually am. ;) Stir in about a cup of milk (whole, 2%, skim, half/half, whatever you've got) and let this simmer and thicken up. Add some salt, pepper, a dash of nutmeg and a little papricka. Then add a good handful (maybe a cup-ish?) of good shredded cheddar. You're looking for a nice golden color. This sauce is FANTASTIC on broccoli, potatoes, anything you like cheese on. :)

Weird, stupid emotions

Ok so I really need to go get the boy out of bed but I was checking my e-mail quick (deleting the SPAM before it gets out of control) and got an e-newsletter from one of those big diaper manufacturers that makes me just want to cry. I know I'm stupid but when did my baby get big enough for anyone to contemplate potty training????? I'm not ready for this!! My baby is almost completely gone...replaced by the most adorable little boy with the goofiest laugh ever.

It only gets worse doesn't it.