Struggles

I drive myself crazy.

It's not like every little time something doesn't go my way that I go off the deep end. But sometimes, some things....it's like I'm cruising along in my life, hopeful to make that right turn up ahead and then BAM! A boulder comes flying and sends me careening. I'm stumbling, trying to regain control and I'm not sure how. When these moments happen I do stupid things. I cry (a lot), I don't eat, I get headaches and that constant tension in my shoulders gets significantly more noticeable.

I glaze over too. If I don't have work or something to really throw myself into I just really have a hard time focusing and regrouping my thoughts.

And it's not like this is a "spoiled brat" thing (well, my brother may think I'm spoiled but that's ok because big brothers are supposed to think of their little sisters as spoiled brats). I was just more emotionally set on something happening for me and now the giant toilet in the sky is flushing that one down the drain and I'm having a hard time coping. My friend Cathie even reminded me about when God closes a door, He always opens a window. I'm trying to hold on to that, to focus on that but it's really hard, you know?

I'm just so tired of where I'm at now. I desperately wanted to do something different, sometime fun, something that would allow me to also spend more time with Gavin. But now just isn't the time and I'm horribly disappointed.