I'm trying

Most days I can hold it together. We have a 1,500 sq foot house, 2 cats, 1 large dog and an almost 14-month-old. We both work, me practically full-time (36 hours/week). People have asked me how I do it. I don't know, I really don't know what to say. And then there are days like today when I'm just not sure I can do it anymore.

Our cats have been using the basement floor as their litterbox periodically. Of their 3 favorite pee spots, we're down to only eradicating 1 with bleach (it's partially under the washing machine, which is difficult to pour bleach under). And then today I found a pile of poop, fresh, which they haven't done in a while and I've completely fallen apart. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. My kid is crabby with teething and God knows what else. I got a flat tire yesterday. I'm out of food because we need to go grocery shopping but won't do so until Saturday. Rob doesn't know what to do with me and I feel he doesn't understand what I'm feeling (probably doesn't; I can't quite explain it to myself). Work was hectic this week and I had to stay home an extra day because day care was closed. I feel like I'm not pulling my weight. I'm so tired and so frustrated and so upset I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I don't know what to do anymore! So I guess you could say I've had it with censoring myself on my blog today and trying to keep the peace. This is me, just me, all me. Raw emotion. I'm hurt, I'm lonely and of all beings around me at the moment the one who's reaching out to comfort is the dog. The damn dog!!! I hate dogs and yet Monte still reaches out. So when I'd really like to be mad at him because it's easy to be mad at the dog I can't because he's trying to help me and that's so pathetically sweet I cry all over again.

I'm tired. I guess I'll go clean up the poop now. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and I why I have these explosive bursts of emotions.