Travel

I'm a people-pleaser so I really try to be careful about what I post on my blog because I don't want to offend anyone (and I'm not sure who all reads this anymore). However this one I just need to get out...

My husband occasionally needs to travel for his job. He loves it. I loathe it. Note I didn't use the word "hate." "Hate" I don't feel accurately describes my feelings when he needs to travel. I do have my reasons though:

1) JEALOUSY: Though he hasn't traveled much, he usually gets to go to places I would LOVE to visit (i.e. Los Angeles, CA). There's been talk of traveling overseas now and even though it's still in the talking phase, I'm so jealous I kind of can't see straight. One of the places he might go to is Hawaii. Now, please understand that when I was 7, my brother and grandfather were allowed to visit my dad on his ship while he was stationed in Hawaii. I was not allowed because I'm a girl. Even though I had a wonderful Daddy-Daughter day afterwards that included dinner out AND Snow White, I'm still a little bitter about this. Now my hubby may be going to Hawaii... Grrrrr. Oh, and the other place he might be sent is London. Yeah. London. I can't even speak.

2) MONTE: We have a 65+ lb Boxer named Monte. He's cute. He's lovable. He's a handful. In the year that we've had him I've learned a lot. I've learned that puppies a very much like human babies. I've learned that it is possible to (almost) overcome a lifelong fear of dogs. I've learned that I can pick up a hyperactive Boxer while 7 months pregnant because it's the only way to calm him down. And I've learned that I am a cat person through and through. Despite his cute moments, it depresses me to be with Monte, knowing I cannot play with him and exercise him in the way that he needs. He needs to run and play and go nuts daily. I can't help him with that. Monte has unintentionally hurt me whenever I try to play with him (after falling face forward while 6 months pregnant and severely bruising my bad knee in order to avoid landing on my stomach, I avoid playing with Monte on my own). When Mr. S is gone, Monte is just a depressed dog and it kills me.

3) GAVIN AND MONTE: See notes about Monte and then add a 3 month old to the mix. Oh God....

On the outside, I get mad and depressed when Mr. S leaves. On the inside I am absolutely terrified. I feel like crying (and often do). I don't feel like eating. It just really REALLY affects me. Then I get mad at myself because this kind of behavior clearly shows that I'm very dependent on his presence. Then I have to stop and think "why am I behaving like a 5 year old?" My answer usually comes back to 2 things: I don't like being in the house alone at night and I'm intimidated at the thought of taking care of the dog (and now Gavin as well).

There. I'm done.